I feel responsible for any relationship I’m in.
If it works, I haven’t failed.. If it doesn’t , I have.
I intellectually understand that a relationship is two-sided. You care about the other person as much as they care about you. You both demonstrate that. Two-sided.
A therapist explained to me that I was never really in a relationship with my ex-husband. I obviously sensed that. Feeling if I could just dance faster, stop eating Betty Crocker brownies, and get the kids to put their backpacks on the backpack hooks, I would be removed from the ongoing state he seemed to have put me in.
But it never worked out. My tap shoes had no tap. He left.
The weight of carrying the yoke of relationships remains.
I realize that all too many friendships today walk the walk of passed hordoerves and fundraising raffles. A superficiality, dismissing the delicious, entangled, toe to toe intimacy of sitting on the couch on Sunday afternoon propped up by pillows and a shared poignancy that cuts through to who we are. Who we are. Together and otherwise.
I long to find partners for my relationships. Where I’m not in charge. Not the only one on the sign up sheet.
Where you stop by to show me your first hand thrown bowl….or call to tell me to remember the clocks or changing…or that u are.
Two way friendships borne of laying open your lives with room for the other to tuck in close. Be bonded. Be free.
A relationship. Just the two of us. Tap shoes optional.
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